im ashamed..

to even express how i feel at this point. im 22 and letting the most
idiotic things upset me. im like a walking talking ball of frustration.
im unhappy, unsatisfied, and nothing ever goes right. SURPRISE! welcome
to life !! what a crock of bullshit. im so fed up w. everything and
everyone..im jst tired. I've said tht a million times before bt i can
feel my feelings changing. im tired of holding on to whts gone. loving
wht doesn't love back. trying to get what i cnt. niggas are dumb...i
don't understand. they don't appreciate pretty anymore. i need to be
ugly bc thts wht they like . i don't need to be a sweetheart cus thts
too easy..i need to be a flat out bitch bc its challenging smfh. i can't
change who i am or how i love bt i feel like i need to bc i can't seem
to keep anyone happy this way bc im still always doing something "wrong"
and the trifilin ugly bitches get all the shine :) that's tight. i hate
. i dislike using tht word bt i do! i jst...hate! i hate everythinng
right now. i tried to jst be happy w. myself and w. life bt im fkn
lonely. im fkn unhappy. i have NO ONE. maybe i don't need them, bt who
doesn't enjoy some kind of companionship? i dnt have not one. im
aggravated. all the dudes out here are fkn ugly and or ratchet. i wanna
jump out a fkn window. everythings different.... i dnt tlk to the same
ppl..me and james..were close to nothing...which is upsetting bt w.e. i
guess we've had our journey..its almost over. i feel like i need to drop
off all this baggage before i meet someone i really like nd ruin another
relationship...i jst feel so damaged..so hurt..so used..so jst fkd up. i
try to find things tht aren't really there...and i dnt acknowedge whts
staring me in the face...wht sense does tht make? im retarted. a
selfproclaimed fool. i know i make stupid choices...nd i keep makin em.
and i guess thts why things aren't changing...its so upsetting im only
22...my life jst started..i really hope life doesn't proceed this way. i
don't think ill make it .