release some tension.

i feel like im about to explode. im so filled w. emotions and questions
and jst everything i jst feel uncomfortable in my own skin. i dnt know
if i wanna yell, laugh, cry, say fk it all! hold on, move on, try again
i jst dnt know. i can sit here and express to you how i feel and why i
feel the way i feel bt i can't make a choice on wht to do and follow
through w. it. my emotions will be the death of me. and love is the best
and worst thing i ever found. best, bc I've never felt anything tht
could pt me on tht natural high where nothing else matters and all yu
wanna do is love and laugh and be happy for the rest of your life.
worst, bc life is a triflin btch and never lets things go how you want
so you have to suffer and struggle w. everything. today i asked myself
how much can a ♥ take? bt i guess its more than jst a physical trait
that your ♥ is the strongest muscle in your body cus it endures a fkn
lot. I've put my ♥ through a lot and it still plays the same beat for
the same nigga and skips the same beats when i get tht giddy love
feeling...no matter how many times its been hurt....im hopeless. its
like I've been hurt bt im alwaaaysss tlkin abt or thinkin abt love and
how to conquer it the way its suppose to be. but idk how its really
supposed to be. one thing i have noticed is tht love is imperfect.
people think they find love in perfection..and even though love can
cause an illusion of perfection (blindness). true love is seeing
everything for wht its really worth and either loving it regardless or
walking away bc you love yourself more. i think i shoulda walked away
awhile ago bt i cnt. everytime i try it comes back again. and I've
pondered why...maybe im weak, maybe i dnt love myself enough to know
better....or maybe i jst really love what i love. i can't really
complain abt the downs anymore bc i put up w. everything. im nt forced
to be in any situation, i choose to be. bt fk it never gets easier. idk
WHYYYY THA FUCK i still think if i keep trying things will eventually
come true like a fkn fairytale when really i get slapped in the face by
reality every other day smh. foolish......funny part is i only wanna
walk away bc i know in the back of my head things wont go back to how
they used to be...if things turned around and i believed things would
and he showed me, id be a down ass btch for continuing the relationship
we've built. call me stupid, w.e. ill learn the long, painful hard way.
ive broken. I've hit rock bottom. I've been absent. but im still
here.....if only niggas could find a female as loving and loyal as
me...better yet, if only i could find someone that actually wants to be
loved and dedicated to only me....things would be perfect.