im trying really hard to find this place im searching for...this place
of comfort. where i don't feel any pain or care about what happened or
the reality of things. smh. I've dug myself in a deep hole i can't crawl
out of . i keep telling myself to let go bt i think im afraid that if i
do i wont find love again..it isn't true but its a comfort im accustomed
to. its been 7 months and i still wish things weren't over. going over
what caused the relationship to fail, helps me to understand what not to
do next time but also makes me regret not paying attention to what i
should've done to not lose what i had. losing love is the most
emotionally draining thing that can ever happen to you besides someone
you love dying. i messed up so bad believing sht would never end...smh.
i feel so naiive. foolish. i feel like im either gonna go crazy or never
stop hurting bc i wanna let go of the man i love but i wanna hold on to
the bestfriend i have...the problem is they're the same person. i can't
be friends without being emotionally attached . its like do i let it all
go? or do i jst deal w. it everyday til someone new comes along? i feel
like everything was together in my life for achange and right now
everything is back apart. smh. i got a brand new lease on life last week
and i said i wasn't gonna cry anymore. and i guess that didn't work ...i
keep thinking im at that fed up point and my mind keeps playing tricks
on me bc i step back into the hole i jst left as soon as i smile again.
and i can smile all day long. and cry myself to sleep at the end of the
day bc it aint nobody but jst me . i get so mad at my two relationships
before this one bc maybe if i was treated right and wasn't shaped into
the way i was i wouldnt have been so scared to lose love that i
indirectly lost it bc i never stood up for how i felt. ...i wish god
would just send someone to me to change my life bc right now nothings
helping. all i want is my love back, i don't understand what's so hard
abt that:(